what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
