If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
