Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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