I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Your penis caused this!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
