I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize