i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
