So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
