You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
