What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
