You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
