It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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