Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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