All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
