Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
