Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
