I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
