So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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