I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
