Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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