A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
