he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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