I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
