I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
