Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
