Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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