i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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