I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize