i think my tv is drunk
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize