So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
