had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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