That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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