id be glad to
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
