4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
