Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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