Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
