when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You did what with his pubic hair?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize