**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
That's intense
well I can't set my house on fire every night
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
