He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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