Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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