is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
