Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize