I like to think it a success when the cops are called
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
