just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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