did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
