Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
