break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize