He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
