I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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