I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
