I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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