She just used a chaser for red wine.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
