I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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