I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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