How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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