apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize