At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
