so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
