Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize