i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
