I don't usually arrange sex via text message
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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