She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
