Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
