when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
