i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
