Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
