We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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