I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
