well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
