he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
