That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
