No awkward lesbian experiences without me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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