i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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