How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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