apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
